There is a big difference between ‘not using’ and actively working on your recovery.

For many years, I did not appreciate that my addiction was influencing how I thought, how I felt, and how I perceived the world. All of that was negative to begin with because that is the nature of addiction. But, even when not drinking, it was getting worse – or at the very least, it was not getting better.

Here is what the psyche of addiction looks like:

It’s constrictive.

It shuts me down emotionally.

It isolates me from my fellows.

It’s subtle – it creeps up and before I know it my head is telling me “You could have another drink [substitute, whatever gave you the ‘hit’], that would probably be okay. You were making too big a deal of this in the first place.”

Little did I know that I was hanging by a thread and very close to relapse because I was putting absolutely no effort or energy into my recovery. Instead, I was focused on trying to impress people with my position. My ego was on a rampage. I wanted more recognition “Don’t you know who I think I am”.

I was totally out of balance and my focus was ego-driven and completely self-serving.

Only it wasn’t. It was about to take me down again. My addiction is not just about ‘stopping’, it’s about addressing the entire process of addiction that has hijacked my peace of mind, and keeps me on the go, trying to ‘prove’ I’m ok in your eyes.

To feel happy, I believe I must have some kind of purpose as to why I get up every morning and do what I do.

This is more true for people who suffer from addiction than the general population.

It is even truer for entrepreneurs/professionals who suffer from addiction.

“The message had to have depth and weight or it didn’t satisfy us”* and I believe that there are a few reasons:

  1. Many addicts have a tremendous amount of emotional pain they’re trying to medicate with their drug of choice. When you take that away, you must replace it with something that helps you heal and make sense of your suffering.
  2. People who succumb to addiction often do so because of an existential void/gap/dilemma. There is an emptiness inside. We’re looking for answers but get sidetracked through our addiction.
  3. Most addicts live with a tremendous amount of shame – about who they are and what they did. This must be addressed or any success is simply window-dressing.

I hope this gave you some insight into why just stopping your drug of choice is not enough if you want a life of balance and purpose. *

[Quote from the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous”]

Warmly,

Sue Diamond