I am currently reading an excellent book, titled, “The Gift of Presence: A Mindfulness Guide for Women” by Caroline Welsh. Even though it’s written for women, of course men can benefit from it as well.
I wanted to take a minute and share a few gems I came across that I feel relate particularly well to those of us in recovery from addictions. First of all, presence or mindfulness is about attention and awareness to the here and now. Sounds simple. But it’s not easy.
Welsh quotes author Susan Bauer-Wu: “When you are mindful, you have emotional balance, with fewer extreme highs and lows, and a sense of spaciousness and inquisitiveness toward whatever arises.” In other words, balance does not mean we put equal amounts of time and energy into all the competing aspects of our lives. That would be impossible. What it means is that we have found that place within us – where water has found its level – and we are calm, centered, and intentional in our tasks.
We can prioritize.
We can cut ourselves slack when a job doesn’t get done, or an invitation is out of reach.
Most Importantly, we learn to include self-care into our daily life without feeling either guilty or selfish. It shouldn’t surprise anyone to discover that people who live this way report greater levels of happiness.
Purpose Gives Us Our Why
Having a sense of purpose gives us the motivation to get up each day and get excited about what we can contribute. Small or big – one person or a nation – we all play a part in the greater scheme of things.
It’s difficult to find our purpose when we are barely surviving our busy lives. Running from one obligation to another hardly provides the “spaciousness” to be “inquisitive” about what else we may desire… To create the space to ask “What makes my heart sing?”
Often, our psychic, emotional, and spiritual energy is sucked dry by constant ruminations – worrying about the future (and what catastrophes are awaiting us), or regretting past actions that didn’t meet the high standards that we set for ourselves.
According to neuroscience, Welsh says this takes place in what is called the “default mode network” DMN. This bundle of neural pathways fire down the midline of the brain and are responsible for a preoccupation with self. Addicts are notorious for this – being self-absorbed, self-centered, and self-referencing.
That’s why this information is so important for those of us in recovery. When we spend more time practicing being present in our lives, we activate other regions of our brain (lateral sensory regions) which then calms the DMN down and helps create a sense of inner peace and clarity in our thinking.
Being Present in Our Lives
Canadian psychologist Donald Hebb, made a ground-breaking finding on neuroplasticity, when he discovered that “neurons that fire together, wire together”.
In his book, “Aware,” neuroscientist and therapist extraordinaire, Dan Siegel, explains it this way:
Where attention goes
Neural firing flows, and
Neural connections grown.
(Cited by Welsh, pg. 22)
In other words, if we make it a habit to sit in meditation, do mindfulness practices, yoga, tai chi, or other martial arts and/or eastern practices, we slowly change the structure and function of our brains.
- We become more resourced because we are more present.
- We think clearer therefore we accomplish more.
- We are internally quieter, so we feel more peace and bring more peace to the world.
When I was still in my addiction, my mind was a “dangerous neighborhood” – and I should never have gone in there alone. It was dark and gloomy, full of fear and worry. And I had few people in my life who could truly understand how much I was suffering, let alone support me to grow.
Thankfully, all of that has changed. After many decades working on my own emotional sobriety and helping hundreds of others to do so also, my mind is at peace most of the time. For those of us in recovery, this is paramount. Practicing presence is a gateway to building an ever-deepening relationship with that power source greater than ourselves.
In the Good Life Recovery membership program, we are teaching members how to integrate better habits that become our ‘automatic’ default mode, which supports and sustains us to achieve long-term contented sobriety. It’s a life worth having.
Until next time,
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