It’s common in recovery circles to talk about ‘hitting your bottom’. It’s important when you have an addiction to grind down to a point where you can fully recognize that you have a problem and you have to do something about it. If you don’t, you will suffer even more serious consequences – be it loss of your job, your health or your family. It seems that it isn’t enough to do it for anyone else, no matter how much you love them. No, you have to want it, for you.
What most people don’t understand is that addiction gets a hold on us, and we lose the power of choice.
And it’s not just for emotional reasons.
It’s a simple explanation to say that women and men cross the line into addiction because they are depressed, lonely, anxious or afraid. That may be the case for some or for some of the time, and certainly, all addiction can be seen for many people to be a form of self-medicating unbearable feeling states.
However, people also over-indulge because they are happy and want to celebrate some event, real or imagined. Or, indeed there could be no particular emotional reason at all.
In “The Science of Addiction”, C. Erickson claims that the real reason people become addicted is that neurophysiologically, addicts are wired differently. They have what he calls “neurotransmitter dysregulation”.
The neurotransmitter in question is dopamine and dopamine tells your brain “I gotta have it…and I gotta have more of it”. This is happening below conscious awareness because it is driven by the ‘survival’ brain.
The survival brain, sometimes referred to as the ‘lizard brain’, does not have words. It’s driven by instinct – the need to stay alive. Now if you think I’m being dramatic, remember, more people are dying right now from drug overdoses at a rate we’ve never seen before.
I’m about to say something unpopular. In fact, if you are an addict who has struggled with coming to terms with your inability to stop, you are probably not going to want to hear this.
But here goes: If you are wired for addiction (and by the way, there is a genetic component to it) – you will never not have it.
Why is that important for you to know? So you understand why you’ll never be able to safely use your drug of choice.
Once you trigger the dopamine by using, or obsessing, or subjecting yourself to dangerous people and/or places that remind you of your drug of choice, the dysregulation begins.
It starts by ‘flooding’ your brain with the euphoria that quickly leads you out of control. It will get more of whatever it needs, regardless of what your rational self thinks, feels or wants.
…because survival will always trump everything else, including a good meal, an important work deadline, or even your loved ones.
Most addicts attempt for years to enjoy and control their addiction and are often baffled as to why they lack the power to stop when they want to stop more than anything. Or they watch other people around them (who don’t have a brain that is susceptible to addiction) do it without difficulty and believe they can follow suit.
Only to fall flat one more time.
I remember clearly how baffling it was when I wanted to quit using drugs and alcohol and couldn’t do it. I used to watch colleagues of mine, people I admired, drink very little and even use drugs recreationally. As I observed them, I would tell myself to just do what they were doing. Obviously, they were successful in life so their use wasn’t getting in the way.
When I couldn’t mimic their way of life, I felt enormous shame- like a total failure.
“What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do what they’re doing so effortlessly?”
I beat myself up constantly.
And since shame silences – I couldn’t talk about it.
No one could explain to me that I was suffering from a neurophysiological condition that made it impossible for me to do what my ‘normie’ friends were doing. Each time I fed my brain alcohol or drugs, it reinforced its power over me and my choice was removed.
Until and unless I was able to understand and accept this reality, I was doomed to ongoing failure and feelings of hopelessness and despair. Today, I live a life that is, hands down, the best life I could have ever hoped for. Once I accepted that remaining abstinent from my drugs of choice was the necessary foundation, I could begin my healing process and manifest my dreams. I could have a life well worth living.
Warmly,
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